By Jeffery McNeill

The most recent studies, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, have estimated that roughly 26% of all Americans have some form of mental illness. That means 1 out of 4 Americans suffers from mental illness.

Every American who is diagnosed or not diagnosed, whether in the workplace or in the home, is in the presence
of someone with a mental illness. We as Americans are a hurting, sad and sometimes miserable people. From my experience, if you let your mental illness go untreated, you will become your own therapist and self medicate. I can only speak from my own experience, which eventually left me homeless and destitute.

My mental illness is Manic Depression, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D). For 40 years I didn’t have proper treatment, which led to numerous firings from jobs, friendlessness and isolation from relatives and homelessness. I drank and used narcotics heavily to relieve depression. I was ashamed to tell anyone, because I grew up in a generation that didn’t understand depression and mental illnesses. You were labeled crazy in my generation, so I tried to hide it.

My depression went out of control when I got suspended for fighting a vendor. I became suicidal, miserable and a raging alcoholic. I truly believe if I continued like I did last May, I wouldn’t be alive today. God has given me another chance. I truly believe in the power of grace and faith.

I started getting treatment and going to AA meetings.

Through that I also built a network of friends and started getting better. However, just because you try to clean yourself up and do the right things, the world doesn’t give you a parade for recovery.

The first month I tried to get sober I started noticing women. That was something I never thought about when I was drunk. I was a selfish drunk. Women, to me, were only interested in using me. So when I got physically better, some women started noticing me. I felt I needed to cash in some chips and satisfy my desires. It led to a relapse and a trip to the emergency room.

I started getting sober again. I was clean for about two months when temptation came at me again. I went to a small town in Ohio for a family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I found women and used again. I guess the moral of the story is stick to sobriety, because I have bad luck with women.

Sometimes it’s depressing to be alone, especially when you see some people having girlfriends and wives and you feel you aren’t worthy of happiness. Sobriety is my main concern right now.

This is where I took my last drink and gave up smoking cigarettes. I also stopped smoking marijuana. My life has been a roller coaster. I started taking care of my body by doing exercise and drinking vitamin D. I have a therapist and take my medications as prescribed. I call people when I feel like a drink, so they can talk me out of it. I don’t let my mind think me to a drink.

I was feeling good and exercising, when I noticed I couldn’t stop going to the bathroom. I would go to the bathroom frequently. I went to the doctor and they checked me out for prostate cancer and HIV. All kinds of thoughts occurred. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health. I feel blessed that God has been looking out for me, even though I behave foolishly sometimes.

My second blessing was being able to find temporary work, so I didn’t have to be out selling papers all day. Selling papers all day allowed me to save a little money, so I could one day move out of the shelter. But with all these blessings, I still was feeling a little sad. I didn’t know why I felt like crap. I blamed it on the weather. I hated being sober and wanted a cold one. I wasn’t feeling grateful my head said, “I’m ugly, unattractive and a bad person.” That’s what depression does.

I moaned and groaned and was miserable, because I had to do what normal people do. I had to pay taxes, buy food, and do laundry. Doing the right thing can suck and be unrewarding, but sacrifice will lead to a better existence. If you have faith and believe in God, I believe you will get blessings beyond your dreams.

My greatest blessing this month, was not wanting to live in a shelter. I hated it but I found gratitude for not sleeping outside and going to soup lines. I prayed, everyday, for God to put me in a position to find a place that was safe and convenient. I met a friend who practices sobriety. He told me he had an opening in an Oxford House, which is for people who practice sobriety.

You have chores to do. You have to pay rent on time and you have to remain sober. I got accepted and am now living on M street, near Dupont Circle three blocks from Street Sense.

I currently need a little assistance in getting furniture, sheets, clothing and other necessities. Even though I have a little income, I am overwhelmed with the process of moving. I pray on my knees and search for faith. As of now, I am clueless on what direction I want to pursue my career. I don’t know if I want to go into business or go to college and pursue writing.

If anyone knows how to go back to school or how to get a grant, please contact me at 202-520-1969 or jeffery_mcneil2000@yahoo.com. Jeffery has been a vendor for Street Sense for two years and recently moved into his own place. He also works parttime for the Census Bureau.